Why we cancelled our wedding and started from scratch

So here's the thing, when we first got engaged I obviously scoured Pinterest for the all the dreamiest of wedding inspo, and immediately started planning the wedding I thought I wanted, the wedding I thought I should be having. I started to get carried away in some kind of weird wedding bubble where money was apparently infinite and the end product would be total Pinterest goals.  We booked our venue and I had all these grand plans, it was going to look beautiful, perfect and was basically the stuff my dreams were made of. By this point I'd spent hours upon hours researching and pinning and coming up with a billion and one fancy ideas to make this wedding look beautiful. So Gareth and I sat down to work out the logistics of it and basically start buying/hiring stuff. After compiling a spreadsheet I looked at the end figure of an estimated cost, and while it wasn't *that* expensive in the world of weddings, my stomach dropped and I felt sick. That night we had a pretty big argument because for some reason, I thought we'd manage to scrape this money from somewhere and that it would all be completely and totally worth it because, well, it's a wedding and they're expensive and it's just tough! But Gareth wasn't happy, at all. At the same time, I was also in the middle of a huge family drama, losing family members and being heartbroken.

That's when I realised what was important about a wedding, the people around us, the people that we love dearly and that love us too, the people that have been there and helped us grow and the people that genuinely celebrate our relationship and happiness. The heart and soul of a wedding is not how pretty it looks in pictures, it's the people and the love.

Gareth and I have an endless list of cities and places we're longing to see. We barely ever have the spare money to travel, and to see that huge figure and think about it all being spent on just one day, and to think about all the places we could travel to and explore with that money instead... Well, it was a no brainer really.

So we took a step back and discussed what we both wanted our wedding to be. We down sized. We cancelled our venue, booked a small local pub, and became much more ruthless with our guest list. Looking around our new venue, we both had huge smiles on our faces, it didn't feel daunting and our bellies didn't squirm at the cost. It was just right. Looking back, I'm so frustrated with myself that I wasted so much time and energy trying to plan what I now see to be a superficial wedding. In reality, it didn't mean anything to either of us. It was just going to look pretty with no real substance. But the new wedding, completely different. When talking about what we wanted it to be, we both said 'fun, relaxed, informal'. Yes, we got a few disappointed looks from the more 'traditional' people in our families, but I think everyone is just so happy for us that we're doing what we want to do, instead of feeling any pressure to keep up appearances. I became very aware that I had basically planned the first wedding for other people, and not for us at all.

So if you're planning a wedding, my one piece of advice would be; don't let what other people think influence your decision making. Do what feels right for you as a couple, it's your day, and the people that matter will love and support you no matter what.

- Adel xx


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