Putting Myself On My Priority List | Life


Last Sunday, as the sun began to rise and gently creep in through the gaps in my curtains, I stretched and opened my eyes. Instead of getting straight up and forcing my zombie-like body down the stairs to put the kettle on, like usual, I just lay there in the sausage roll of duvet that I'd managed to wrap myself up in to during the night. I felt the warmth of my blankety cave of a bed. I appreciated the soft touch of the freshly washed cotton against my skin. I rolled over, discovering a new, cool, extra soft little spot to get comfortable in.

I watched the sun filter in and bathe patches of my room in it's golden light. I watched the shadows of the trees outside dancing around on my wall as the wind blew through them. I cast my eye over the accidental blobs of paint on the ceiling, where I hadn't been quite so careful at decorating when we first moved in. In my head, I traced the grain on the door, the folds of the curtains, the curves of vases and candles on the windowsill. I noted how the laundry basket was so full it was making the white wicker lid sit lopsided. I saw the way the fairy lights at the end of the bed were starting to slip and fall unevenly between the bars. I felt the warmth of my little dog laying on my feet, as he curled up in his favourite spot. I watched his tiny ribcage move up and down as he started to snore. I thought about his reluctant-ness to be any where other than physically on me. I thought about his unconditional love for me even when I spend hours shoving my phone in his face, trying to get the Snapchat filters to work on him. I thought about my unconditional love for him, even though his excitable bark pops my ear drums when he sees a cat and that his tongue constantly seems to be touching my skin. At this point he looked up at me, as if he could sense me staring at him. I could have sworn he winked at me, and even though I like to imagine it was some kind of secret code between us, I know he probably just a had a bit of sleep in his eye.

I thought about leaving my safe haven of marshmallow duvet, but I didn't. I stared at the ceiling and had a long, internal monologue. I discussed my thoughts and opinions on recent goings on, with myself. I took time to think about how I've been feeling recently, and ask myself why I've been feeling those things. I thought about big, important things and trivial, tiny life things. I listened to the quiet atmosphere, and felt the magic of a new day beginning. And I took the opportunity to be with myself, to get to know myself. To get back in touch with a person I've become distant from, a person I've not had time for.

I've been so busy, doing everything but being with myself. I've been working on various projects, or doing housework and life admin or spending time with friends and family. Even in the evenings when I tell myself that I'm having 'me' time, I'm watching something or reading something. My mind is constantly doing something, always distracted. I couldn't remember the last time I'd taken the time to think and reflect, to just do nothing but be with myself and my own mind.

And then I realised I'd been neglecting myself. I'd allowed myself to become so disconnected from myself, muddling through my daily business without allowing myself to think or feel as fully as I needed to.

I realised I was going from one thing to the next, without any time in between. I'd go from hanging out with friends to being sat on my laptop working on my business to consuming 5 episodes of Gilmore Girls in a row to engaging on social media to watching YouTube in the bath and then finally to bed where I'd fill my boyfriend in on my day and fall asleep as I talked.

It was time I put myself on my priority list. The physical list I write every morning, and the mental conveyor belt of things that's constantly going through my mind. I needed to put aside some time for myself, to listen to myself and feel myself and get to know myself. And that meant real time, not fake time. Not time where I'm curled up on the sofa immersed in a book, another world, being distracted by a character's life that isn't my own, as enjoyable and as good for my soul as that may be.

And I'm writing this blog post as a little reminder to myself for when I'm getting too distracted by the ongoing busy-ness of life. A reminder to take some time to re-connect with myself, like an old, familiar friend.

- Adel x

Comments

  1. I loved this post! It is so easy to forget to look after and take care of yourself and it is definitely something we all need to do more often! :) xxx

    Sarah / Sarah Smiles

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    Replies
    1. Aw thank you! Yeah I definitely agree, it's so easy to get distracted by everything else going on. Everyone definitely needs a little me time now and then :) xx

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